Amanda Seales' Balancing Act
Why it is NOT an exercise in futility to shape the world as it should be
When I heard that Amanda Seales’ episode on Club Shay Shay was about to drop, I made it a priority to watch the episode, even though I was pressed for time, because I knew that I would be inspired to write after watching this particular episode. And in that vein the episode did not disappoint, but I still hold what I said before…
I truly hope that the Club Shay Shay podcast does not become a dumping ground for people seeking to air their grievances under the guise of telling their stories.
There is a difference between airing our grievances and settling our grievances. I’d hate to see valid stories evaporate into hot air because of how we choose to discuss them.
Onto Shannon and Amanda’s conversation. A recurring theme of the conversation between the two was expecting people to be better than they are. And how it would probably be in our best mental and emotional interests to not have such an expectation. While many abide by this sentiment, I disagree.
Too many times, as former President Barack Obama says,we settle for the world as it is instead of making it as it should be. Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr says it much more elegantly.
“I refuse to accept the idea that the ‘isness’ of man’s present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal ‘oughtness’ that forever confronts him.”
History has taught us over and over again that settling for what is is dangerous. By invoking Dr. King many would agree that as a community we cannot settle for what is. Well the same truth applies on an individual level. We are learning more and more the importance of our mental and emotional well-being. Respect, proper consideration, love, belonging and protection are all valid needs that should not be denied. Yes we should exercise wisdom as to who we expect to fulfill those needs. Everyone is not willing, able or even interested in taking on that responsibility. But that does not negate the fact that these needs should be met. What we are however left to grapple with is the ongoing question of who will rise to meet the need, when we need it, or will we have to rise to the occasion for ourselves?
All too often we experience the latter and we are left more than just disappointed. We’re hurt. We’re drained. We become isolated. We feel lonely and rejected. And if we forever have to be all things unto ourselves, it becomes a fight not to become guarded, jaded and even bitter. Nobody wants to be those things. Yet it feels unavoidable because we are at a loss as to how to change this pattern in our lives. It’s like we are facing an unwinnable balancing act.
But I would argue that it’s not an unwinnable balancing act. If you made it through the entire 3-hour interview, then you heard Amanda share how she was able to find her people and that what she was able to find for herself, within herself, was better than settling for what is; better than just learning how to play the game as so often advised.
What each of us should find within ourselves is the resolve to pursue what we are indeed worthy of. That resolve may seem off-putting to others and leave us feeling misunderstood. But we can’t afford for that resolve to be disturbed because we will be the ones left to suffer the most. Just because others do not care does not mean we should not care; just because others settle for what is does not mean we should settle for what is; just because others think you are the problem does not mean you are the problem.
It is completely disheartening to me how we do NOT heed the lesson that rarely are things as they seem. We forget that we have PR machines working overtime to craft and flood the zone with certain narratives. Instead of arresting ourselves with what we know to be true, those with zero insight and zero stake in the matter, choose to pile on. We need to learn how to dislike people. Paraphrasing Dr. King, you may not like me but that doesn’t mean you are entitled to kill me. It’s a shameful part of history that we had to enact laws to contain the disdain towards us as a people.
And it’s a sad commentary of our societal immaturity that we feel the need to escalate our dislike for a specific individual to epic DIS-proportions.
How was the recent pile-on that Amanda endured justifiable? If you follow me, then you know that I consider this obsessive, compulsive quest to dominate someone to be ungodly. While I believe I have biblical support for drawing that conclusion, I don’t make this statement out of pious religiosity.
I believe the purpose of each and every individual is to be God’s goodness in the earth. Now we lose sight of that for a whole host of reasons. Reasons that likely stem from a scarcity mindset and the three other BIG lies that corrupt the world. As such we traffic in perception and erroneously accept arbitrary standards of how people deserve to be treated. And when others call us higher, we consider them to be problematic. They may indeed be disruptors, visionaries, or simply ahead of their time. But problematic? Not hardly. What’s problematic is the inability and unwillingness to grow, mature, elevate and perfect our relationships.
Again, isness vs oughtness. We should never shrink back from how things ought to be. Not because it’s some uppity ideal, but because we are worthy of this ideal. And because we know and have experienced how the alternative leads to so much worse.
Onward to elevating and Harmonious Balance my friends,
Johanna
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