Airing Our Grievances vs Settling Our Grievances
How our "hot air" IMBALANCE prevents us from being taken seriously
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Growing up I remember hearing the saying, Talk is cheap but it takes money to buy land. My own little quip has become, Everyone can talk a good game, but not everyone can play a good game. And I’m sure we are all familiar with Put up or Shut up! One of my lounge-around-the-house hoodies actually says, Show up or Shut up!
There are so many sayings that pretty much get at this same idea because after a while all of the talking becomes a nuisance. We all seem to inherently want all the talk to be balanced with action. If the talk is not balanced with action, we become annoyed, tune out and begin to take people and their causes less seriously. One thing I know for sure is when people are being serious the last thing they want is to NOT be taken seriously. And certain matters MUST be taken seriously. To not take them seriously is to our peril. Yet we keep making the same mistake. We remain out of balance blowing smoke/hot air and we continue to suffer as a result.
Personally I’ve become annoyed with a number of things. I’m tired of everyone blowing smoke with their “entitled” opinions. I’m tired of people (both black and non-black) blowing smoke thinking they know what’s best for the black community. I’m tired of smooth-talking people blowing smoke because they think they can talk their way out of everything. I’m tired of people blowing smoke for attention and entertainment. I’m tired of the codependency of blowing smoke because we feel purposeless and don’t know who we are apart from it.
I’m ready for real change. I’m tired of us talking in circles. I’m tired of serious matters not being taking seriously. I’m tired of us thinking we are fighting when in fact we are flailing. This is what comes to mind when I observe all the hot air going back and forth.
From politics to civil rights to personal matters, we are upset but not truly prepared to fight and/or we can’t land the punches we throw at the problem. All our opposition has to do is wait for us to fatigue ourselves and deliver a knock out punch that sets us back even further. If all of this sounds like an abstraction to you, hang in there with me as I have several examples that illustrate entitled opinions, flailing activism, and grievance codependency. Then I will conclude this essay with some observations on settling grievances successfully.
If ever there were a hot air, smoke blowing machine it is social media. Yes social media has it’s merits. At the same time, social media is overripe with messiness and hot air. Much of the messiness is simply people airing their hollow opinions just because they can. They aren’t sharing to contribute to conversations in a meaningful way. They are sharing simply because there is space to do so. And in my humble opinion
Hollow opinions equal hot air. Hot air opinions add no value to the conversation whatsoever. Unfortunately hot air comments are rewarded as engagement on social media.
Even if the opinions are not necessarily hollow, if they are shared ineffectively they become rendered as hot air because their intention is not accomplished. For example, the Katt Williams interview with Shannon Sharpe. In my essay about public feuding, I questioned how effective Katt was in “breaking the internet.” In the end, will his interview be dismissed as mere entertainment aka hot air?
Flailing activism. If ever there are matters that CANNOT afford to be rendered as hot air, it is the matters that lead people to take to the streets in protest. Protests are great at building awareness and that awareness can lead to the recruitment of committed individuals interested in graduating their cause from the awareness phase to the resolution phase. I’ll never say that protests have zero value. However, what I have come to believe is that protests are not as effective as they once were. We’ve learned about the success of the Women’s March of 1913 and the civil rights marches of the 1960s and we think that all we have to do is march in protest and that will change the hearts and minds of the people that hold the levers of power.
What we don’t consider is how different times are now compared to how they were back then. Our attention is too divided. It took a once in a century pandemic to narrow our focus and mobilize in the wake of the senseless murder of George Floyd, when we have watched the police senselessly kill black men on video TOO MANY times before.
Also, decency has been eroded to a level that cold-heartedness and cruelty are lauded. Instead of racing to the top, many in power are sprinting all out to the bottom. They are willing to wait out the headlines describing how they are on the wrong side of history. They are often organized in their opposition so much so that as soon as they get an opening they will deliver the knock out punch that those on the right side of history never saw coming or weren’t adequately armed for. Examples of this include reproductive rights, gun violence, and stacking the judiciary in their favor.
Again I am not a Democrat or Republican. I simply make observations.
Protests are short game tactics. Longer game strategy requires so much more. Short game tactics without longer game strategy is flailing activism that equates to hot air.
Grievance codependency occurs at both the macro and micro levels. One of the first examples that comes to mind is “repeal and replace Obamacare.” After the passage of the Affordable Care Act, the Republican party vowed to repeal the law and replace it with their own plan. The problem is they never had a plan. They put a hollow promise out there knowing that the law would not be repealed and thus no need to come up with a viable replacement. Yet they were codependent on the grievance in order to have something to campaign against. The same thing is currently happening with immigration legislation. It’s a problem that all agree needs to be addressed. And now with a bill before Congress, Republicans again chose to halt the process because they need something to campaign against.
A non-political example involves the natural hair community which is comprised primarily of black women. Currently there is a rift within the community about a particular hair care methodology. I noticed that there was a lot of tension and drama surrounding the topic. And it appeared that some were genuinely seeking a solution, while others wanted to drag out the dramatic conversation for as long as possible to generate more content and garner more engagement because of the trending topic. When the tension first began to rise, I started to offer myself as a mediator to facilitate a conversation that moved us closer to resolution. But I quickly noticed that many only wanted to offer hollow or emotionally charged opinions. And many needed the topic to remain alive in order to capitalize off it. Many were prolonging the expression of grievance stage because they would be rendered irrelevant if the conversation graduated to the settlement of grievance stage.
On an individual level, we see this when we fan the flames of drama to keep the drama alive. This looks like holding on to grudges, remaining in victimhood, dismissing and discrediting others that offer solutions that will propel us forward.
Remaining stagnate, either wittingly or unwittingly, in grievance and relying on grievance to remain relevant is nothing more than hot air.
So what can be done to move from the expression stage to the settlement stage? When it comes to hot air opinions, it’s a little more challenging because we must err on the side of free speech. Content creators often turn off comments when the comments become unruly or if there is potential for commenters to overstep with their hot air. I think it is a great idea to stop the smoke from blowing before it starts.
A permanent fix is to facilitate conversations in a way that ends with closure on any charged topics that were discussed. When it has been demonstrated that the matter is resolved or that the parties involved with the matter have satisfactorily addressed the matter, there is nothing left to be said. For example, after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars, all of the chatter was going to continue until Chris Rock finally addressed it. It did die down some because Chris took a while to address it. In the interim though, Will had to lay low. Once Chris addressed it, there were immediate reactions and commentary but the conversation pretty much came to a close. Another example is if a couple discusses how they successfully recovered from infidelity, there’s not much room for hollow opinions. Whereas if the same couple were publicly in the midst of their recovery, oh the hollow opinions would run wild.
With respect to flailing activism, short game tactics must be balanced with long game strategies that include proposed solutions. The activating party must come to the bargaining table prepared. When labor unions strike, they aren’t just out on the picket lines letting the public know of their plight. They are striking in parallel with negotiating at the bargaining table. Proposed legislation must be at the ready to go when the political will turns in your favor. Have you ever asked someone to write a letter on your behalf? Have they ever responded with, “if you write it, then I’ll sign it?” Some people will give the necessary endorsement if you do the heavier lifting.
That’s why lobbyists are so effective. Our elected legislators are not feverishly drafting bills. Lobbyists and think tanks are providing the framework, the language, and even the strategy for successful passage. Many people view lobbying as corrupt because of the price tag associated with it. While ethically there probably shouldn’t be heavy spending on lobbyists, the act of lobbying still needs to happen. Take a look at this list of top lobbyists. Now take a look at this list of top issues (civil rights and civil liberties come in at 41 out of 79) Legislative priorities are not a coincidence.
My last note on flailing activism is that we have to strike when the iron is hot. During the protests of 2020, the NBA faced a moment where players were fed up with the senseless violence at the hands of police. They were ready to not suit up and the league couldn’t put up much resistance. At that moment, the leaders of the NBPA, National Basketball Players Association, were forward thinking enough to seek the guidance of former President Barack Obama on how to proceed. And Mr. Obama suggested that they create a plan of action to move the needle.
They heeded his advice and didn’t let their rhetoric turn into hot air.
Lastly grievance codependency. As I mentioned, this occurs on both macro and micro levels. The fear at both levels is becoming irrelevant or purposeless. With the political examples that I mentioned, the fear is also giving the opposition a win. For both levels, there is a need to revisit purpose, intention, the reason why you do the work that you do. Most individuals begin with honorable intentions. Some do not. For those that do not have honorable intentions, there’s not much that I can say. It will probably take a humiliating experience to properly center them.
For those with honorable intentions that find themselves codependent on grievance, it’s time to reassess values, motives, and determine how to calibrate. If your identity and your brand cannot stand on its own, then it is time to set a firmer foundation to work from. There is absolutely nothing firm about hot air. A firmer foundation starts with clarity of values, purpose, mission and vision. After achieving clarity, you will need to align your tactics and strategy accordingly. People rebrand and reset all the time. That process is not something to fear. It should be embraced.
In closing, the simplest takeaway that I can offer is the blowing smoke/hot air and being unserious may seem fun, entertaining and inconsequential. I implore you that it is not any of those things. If that idea seems hard to accept, just wait until the moment when you need to be taken seriously but your unserious reputation precedes you. It won’t be fun, entertaining and inconsequential anymore.
Onward to Harmonious Balance,
Johanna
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