Could I be wrong about this?
The true measure of humility and how it's the solution to all the world's problems
Vice President Kamala Harris made a statement on the Call Her Daddy podcast this week that has gone viral. She was responding to the mean-spirited comments of Arkansas Governor, Sarah Huckabee-Sanders. The Governor said that, her children keep her humble. But unfortunately, Kamala Harris has nothing to keep her humble. Never mind that the Governor’s snarky, mean-girl, comment speaks to her own lack of humility. Because a rather humble person wouldn’t dare make a comment like that to anyone, especially not to the sitting Vice President of the United States.
But I digress…
Although our Vice President responded to the Governor’s mean-spirited comment several times before, it was her response that many women to do not aspire to be humble that really struck a chord and caused many to take to the dictionary to learn the actually definition of humble. There are several definitions. But I think the two definitions our Vice President were referring to are:
having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.
low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc
While these two definitions are what the dictionary actually says, I don’t think we have an understanding of humility as a virtue. Years ago I heard Pastor Rick Warren share this definition in a conversation he had with Oprah Winfrey.
Humility is not downplaying our strengths but an acknowledgement and understanding of our weaknesses.
This particular insight resonated with me and I use it all the time now to explain the true virtue of humility. In Harmonious Balance language, humility is a balancer.
Let me ask you a question. Actually let me ask you three questions.
Have you ever been so sure about something but then turned out to be wrong about it?
How many times have you been wrong about something or someone?
Are you OPEN to being wrong?
That third question might sound like an odd question. Let me tell you a story.
I was watching a fictional tv show. Two friends were thick as thieves growing up but estranged as adults. Supposedly one of the friends, friend A, messed around with friend B’s uncle, friend B’s aunt’s husband. Turns out the uncle was an awful man. He made advances to friend A and tried to force himself upon her. She was able to fight him off and got away. He chose to ruin her reputation by lying about his encounter with her. Friend B believed her uncle and never heard Friend A's side of the story. And their friendship becomes fractured. Years later as adults, they finally have a heart to heart. Friend A tells friend B what really happened. Friend B gets all teary eyed saying, "I didn’t know, I’m so sorry…”
I remember thinking, of course Friend B didn’t know! Friend B didn’t want to know. She was certain that what Friend A was accused of was factual and the idea of being wrong about Friend A never occurred to Friend B.
Another story. This time a real-life one.
I once worked for a small organization. In a staff meeting, there was a rather intense debate among leadership. Everyone seemed steadfast in their perspectives, including the CEO. But the CEO said something that I’ve never heard anyone say before and I later heard him say it several more times during my tenure with the organization. The CEO said, I’m open to being wrong.
Now we usually hear people say, I hope I’m wrong. But they say it with certainty that their take on a situation is correct. And they usually say it in a rather patronizing and annoying manner. But the way our CEO said he was open to being wrong hit differently to me. He probably was sure of his take but he wasn’t so wedded to being right.
Now I have some higher stakes questions.
How many guilty verdicts have been overturned? How many police shootings/killings have occurred because they thought the person had a weapon only to find out the person was unarmed? How many suspects have been misidentified in a lineup?
I remember watching an episode of the Oprah Show back in the day, where a woman shared her story of being raped. She said she made it a point to study the criminal’s features so that she could properly identify him later. She was so sure she ID’d him correctly. But later found out that he indeed was not the perpetrator. I couldn’t find the Oprah show clip but I did find a similar local news story in Minnesota. It might actually be the same lady from that Oprah Show episode because the details are very similar.
It’s pretty chilling when you think about it. Yet we hold onto our positions so tightly. Think about arguments and disagreements we have with our friends and loved ones. We draw conclusions, insisting our point of view is right only to find out we were wrong when we finally sit down and have a heart-to-heart. This has happened far too many times. But we don’t seem to apply the countless lessons that we learn even though we’ve had countless opportunities to do so.
If you’ve read up on my background, then you know that the majority of my career has been in higher education. I remember a conversation with a philosophy professor. He was making the case for liberal arts and humanities majors. One eye-opening moment has stayed with me from that conversation. He said that the root cause of the majority of the world’s problems is ideological. We have legitimate proposals and solutions to real problems that we do not act on because of ideological differences. We often insist that our take on situations is not just correct but morally superior.
Furthermore, our egos have a real attachment to being right. Even though we have goo-gobs of evidence that we are wrong A LOT, we still insist we are right in our assessments. Not just in ordinary mundane matters either; highly consequential matters. LIFE AND DEATH LEVEL!
The FOUR BIG LIES that corrupt the world
You are certainly not alone if you have wondered why corruption persists. It’s so pervasive. It’s mind boggling. It is never ending and there doesn’t appear to be a way to eradicate it entirely. Because of the flawed nature of humankind, I don’t expect it to go away entirely. But I do believe that it is within our wherewithal to keep it under our fo…
The subtitle to this piece speaks to humility being the solution to all of the world’s problems. If we really want to solve problems, big and small, then I propose and strongly recommend that we become open to being wrong. Not in a patronizing way. But with all sincerity because we know we can be wrong and have been wrong too many times in the past. I propose that we set out to understand all sides of an argument and do so without an agenda to annihilate opposing ideas.
Being open to being wrong involves throwing out agendas. What I am proposing is to not seek to win, rather seek a win-win. What I am proposing requires our egos to take a back seat. What I am proposing requires us to not be beholden to a set of ideas. What I’m proposing requires us not to be presumptuous. What I’m proposing requires selflessness. What I am proposing requires that we prioritize relationships and our humanity.
What I am proposing is humility becoming a self-regulating proposition. Unlike what the Governor purports to believe, no one should have to bring us low. We should bring ourselves low of our own accord because we are aware of our age-old flaws of pride and presumption.
Now after hearing all of this, you’re probably like, good luck with your proposal, Johanna. Yeah, I understand. I’m not under any illusion that people will simply change their ways. I’m definitely not under any illusion that our major power structures will become humble on their own anytime soon. But those realities don’t make my proposal less valid. It’s not rocket science and it’s within our capability.
Onward with true humility and Harmonious Balance, my friends!
Johanna
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So many thoughtful things in here. One definition of humility that helped me was "Humility is owning what you are, not more AND not less". False, or inverted humility is diminishing ourselves, but this serves no one. So many women (read, ME!) pretend to be less than we are to avoid conflict, so our gifts never make it out of the closet. Here's to figuring out true humility!