Well surprise, surprise! Families are thrown OUT OF BALANCE because of politics
Since the 2016 US presidential election, I’ve heard shock and disappointment about politics breaking up families. Recently I heard, either on the radio or somewhere online, about how disappointing it is that dating across party lines is now a no-no. Also not too long ago I watched a PBS feature on how families and couples are grappling with political differences leading up to the 2024 election. The video is included below for you to watch at your leisure, if you’d like.
The underlying sentiment of it all is that it should not be that we let politics break up or cause tension in families. There is this longing for a time where political differences did not matter in relationships. It all begs the question, what do we think politics is?
My initial response to the idea of relationships becoming fractured was WELL DUH… But to be fair, I had to think back to a time when I wasn’t as tuned in to politics because the majority of the electorate is not tuned into politics. For me, I didn’t begin paying close attention until the 2008 presidential campaign. While I was indeed inspired by the Obamas, the reason I paid closer attention was I wanted to see how the first black presidential nominee of a major political party and eventual president would be treated. How he and his family were treated would be an indicator of how the powers that be truly saw black people. If they sought to diminish him, then I knew they really didn’t care about black people in lesser positions.
Prior to the 2008 presidential campaign, I didn’t follow politics beyond a few headlines. The 1996 election was the first presidential election that I was eligible to vote in. I was registered to vote but did not bother to request an absentee ballot from my home state of Indiana as I attended college out of state in Michigan. While I didn’t vote, I do recall how my friends and classmates drove back to their home cities in Michigan to vote. So in a way I felt bad for not doing what I knew to do.
Even though as a child I accompanied my mother to the polls, I wasn’t all that inclined to go to the polls for myself when I became of age until a woman that I befriended at work told me Johanna, too many people died for you to have the right to vote. I felt the shame of that and I’ve voted in, not just in every presidential election, but EVERY election since.
Though I didn’t necessarily develop an enthusiasm to vote myself when I accompanied my mother to the polls as a youngster, I seemed to readily grasp the idea that the ballot was secret which led me to think that people did not talk about politics because their thoughts were secret. For the 1992 presidential election, my curiosity got the best of me and I conjured up the courage to ask my parents, individually, who they voted for and to my surprise, they voted for different candidates. Did they talk about politics behind closed doors? Did they know how the other would vote? I honestly don’t know. Once I realized they voted differently, the need for the ballot to be secret was reinforced for me. Now since then, I’ve talked to my parents more openly about politics and we are all in harmony, at least big picture-wise.
So while it is not surprising to me that politics can tear families apart, I can’t get up on my high horse and act like it can’t catch others by surprise for the simple fact that so many of our thoughts on politics are left unsaid and/or taken for granted. That’s the privilege that many have enjoyed. What I mean by that is, those of us in marginalized communities have lived a different experience with the government and politics. We’ve experienced the dark side of America. For our own preservation, our vote has demonstrated more unity than some communities. We had to be more unified if we wanted to experience change for the better. So the chances of a true fracture in marginalized communities are much less likely because we’ve for the most part had to stand together.
On the other hand, those that are surprised by fracture have had the privilege of the perception that politics did not have a significant bearing on their lives. It was not until the 2016 election where it became clear that progress is NOT inevitable; it became clear that regression was VERY possible; it became clear that we could not rely on others to do the right thing; it became clear that our democracy was indeed fragile; it became clear that certain truths were no longer self-evident and certain precedents would no longer hold; it became clear that America’s dark side had not been properly addressed; it became clear how injustice anywhere was a threat to justice everywhere; it became clear that we are in this thing together as Dr. King goes on to eloquently say
“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.”
The question I asked earlier is what do we think politics is? Why do we make the mistake of thinking we are far removed from politics? As much as we try to remove ourselves from it and plow along with our daily lives, politics hovers over us. We are literally governed by it whether we engage with it or not. While we do not have to disclose how we vote, how we vote or not vote expresses our values in one way or another. And it turns out we have secretly ascribed to values, thoughts, and ideas that are offensive and opposite to that of our loved ones.
The truth is we’ve always known the potential for politics to fracture relationships. That’s why talking about politics has been considered taboo. Collectively, we decided it was best to avoid wading into political conversations for fear of discomfort and fracture. Willful avoidance and willful denial were the order of the day and we had no reason to believe that order would ever change. Until the 2016 presidential election and everything since. We have been compelled to speak on what was once held secret for better and for worse. What these secrets have unearthed in some cases has proven to be irreconcilable. Our worst fears have sadly come true.
I have a certain degree of empathy for those uncovering irreconcilable differences. At the same time, I see fracture as necessary to perfect our union. Our political “broken bones” need to be reset, cast, and rehabilitated appropriately. And believe it or not, that responsibility falls, not to our elected leaders, but to the most powerful role of all…the role of citizen.
Onward to true reconciliation and Harmonious Balance my friends,
Johanna
**For customized content requests,1:1 coaching and speaking inquiries, feel free to contact me.**