Seeking a Hope Dealer
Balancing optimism with harsh realities
**Shout out to for the term ‘hope dealer.’ I read it on one of his IG posts and thought it was perfect!**
False hope. Probably the one thing that no one wants but also one thing that I’m not so sure we accurately identify.
Being a realist is often the strategy for not falling prey to false hope. Though from where I sit, being a realist actually sits in opposition to hope entirely. Think about it. No one that claims to be “keeping it real” ever tells us good news.
On the other end of the spectrum, being an eternal optimist is often poo-pooed. When situations look bleak, eternal optimists are expected to join the crowd in surrendering to what seems inevitable. When they respond that they are eternal optimists, they are looked at like they have two heads.
These past few weeks I’ve especially had a hard time battling what seems to be realist thoughts on both personal and community/national levels. These thoughts have been coming at me fast and furious, throwing me off balance. And I’ve been left to figure out how to correct this imbalance.
Well in Harmonious Balance fashion, the remedy would be to stabilize my mental and emotional energy with hope and optimism. But the onslaught of these thoughts has left me wondering if the hope that I have is indeed false hope and I couldn’t get out of bed until I was able to answer that question.
Thankfully I got out of bed quickly because the answer to that question is a resounding no! The hope that I have is NOT false hope!
How do I know?
False hope is based on false information. We have false hope when we’ve been led on with lies and false pretenses. Usually when we absorb the truth, no matter how uncomfortable, we reckon with it and make decisions from there. It is possible to deny the truth. It is also possible to reckon with truth and choose to hope against hope because miracles do happen. To me that’s not false hope because it’s not based on false information. Though usually once the truth has been revealed, it’s almost impossible to unsee it.
We can also choose to give up hope. Though it is hugely important not to conflate giving up hope with false hope because the two are not the same. Far from it. Oftentimes we are persuaded to give up hope prematurely. It particularly vexes me when those with no authority and absolutely no say in the matter insert coarse opinions that lead us to giving up our power, our hope.
Yes our power is connected to our hope. Hopelessness disables us while hope empowers us to do the unimaginable. The audacity of hope is not just a catchy book title. Hope is audacious because it is so easy to surrender to harsh realities. Hope is audacious because those who dash our hopes think we have some nerve dreaming up something better or improbable. Hope is audacious because it is filled with righteous indignation. Hope is audacious because it causes us to move towards a vision that others cannot see but a vision we see with crystal clarity. Harsh realities be damned.
Though I can’t recall the exact interview to properly cite it, I do remember basketball great, LeBron James, saying that imagining and dreaming something better is what kept him from relinquishing his hopes to the impoverished circumstances he grew up in. Bevy Smith coined the phrase it gets greater later, because it’s the hope she clung to after taking a leap of faith from her well-paying corporate job to pursue something more fulfilling only to find herself broke for the first five years after her big leap. We should always attach our hope to the enduring truth that we are worthy of better.
This does not mean that we put our head in the sand and not do what we gotta do in the meantime. What it does mean is complacency and apathy do not have to establish a foothold. Taking care of the present does not mean foreclosing on future possibilities. Our lots in life are not zero sum games. We always have choices.
May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears. ~ Nelson Mandela
But I don’t want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed!
I’ve always found this idea a bit impossible. How can we not want things to work out in our favor? How can we honestly stop that feeling in its tracks? The toothpaste is already outside of the tube. Our hopes are already up the moment we decide we want something. The question is how long we will allow our hopes to remain up? Instead of riding high on hope, we see ourselves plummeting to disappointment and we essentially are trying to soften the landing. We think that if we gradually lower ourselves to the ground, if the disappointment hits, it will be less of a drop and hurt less.
Whenever you are search for a hope dealer, this 34-second reminder will give you the hit you need.
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It only hurts less because we started feeling and processing the disappointment beforehand. We expend emotional energy leaning into disappointment instead of leaning into hope. Sometimes we do so needlessly because things work out in the end. We didn’t plummet to the ground after all. Other times we don’t even let our hopes get off the ground.
Having said all of this, I do understand that our hearts don’t like uncertainty. Uncertainty is unsettling but we have to remember that the status quo is also unsettling, even more so. The devil we know is still the devil. The devil we think we don’t know may not even be the devil. Hope most certainly isn’t the devil. Disappointment is not the devil either. Disappointment is an emotion that we need not fear.
Giving up hope means giving up on ourselves. ~ Ruth Ben Ghiat (historian)
That morning I struggled to get out of bed until I realized that I wasn’t operating with false hope. Yet everyday after getting out of bed, I face harsh realities that make me think I’m delusional for believing my vision could catch traction. Everyday I face harsh realities that say America will indeed sabotage herself. Everyday I face harsh realities that say fulfilled dreams are reserved for others and not me.
However what harsh realities don’t tell me is that they are not static. What harsh realities don’t tell me is that they don’t become less harsh on their own. What harsh realities don’t tell me is they become worse without some type of intervention to change course. Hope lets me in on these truths and lets me know I don’t have to settle for harsh realities. Hope is what I choose to listen to and follow.
Onward to hope and Harmonious Balance, my friends!
Johanna
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