Safe yet bothered
Well Happy New Year, Good People!!
It was not my intention to deliver my new year’s greetings fifteen days into the new year. I had been working on a couple of drafts that I thought would start 2025 out with a bang. However, the evening that I expected to finish one of those drafts turned out to be the same evening that I came home with debris in my eyes from the winds that turned out to be the same winds that would fan the flames that ultimately burned down storied neighborhoods in Los Angeles County.
While wildfires are not new to California, no one had multiple, historic, uncontrollable wildfires on their bingo card for the start of January, 2025. Wildfire season in California is typically late spring to early fall. Come January we are typically donning our raincoats and trying to stay upright against the Santa Ana winds. Though in December, I personally noted how strange it was that it hadn’t rained at all when we ordinarily have torrential rains during the holidays. I certainly did not expect to experience any Santa Ana winds unaccompanied by rain during the month of January A water-less hurricane is not what I nor anyone else expected. Yet that is what happened and everyone has been thrown off balance.
Myself included. Thankfully where I live is tucked away from all of the hot zones but in no way am I detached from the devastation. At the very least, the smoke from the multiple fires spreads and lingers throughout the county drastically diminishing air quality. The handful of times I was outdoors, I wore an N95 mask to protect myself from the smallest spores of the things my lungs don’t like.
Even though I wear glasses, they are not enough protection for my eyes. Thankfully from a bad reaction I had to makeup years ago, I keep eye wash on hand to irrigate my eyes from any specks that my eyes don’t like. On a normal basis, I probably rinse my eyes once every 3 months. This past week I’ve rinsed my eyes nearly every day. I had to re-up on eye wash. I almost freaked out because the first CVS I went to the shelves were bare making me nervous that I would be left to suffer with irritated eyes. Thankfully, the next location I went to had eye wash in stock.
One morning I woke up to the undeniable smell of smoke even with the windows closed. My eyes and my throat were burning. I typically linger in bed when I first wake up but I immediately got up, turned on the air purifiers, rinsed my eyes, throat, and then put on mask to wear INSIDE my own home!
Though I’ve mostly stayed inside or within my neighborhood, I did venture out into Hollywood and the streets were nearly bare. I started to recall stories of tourists having to evacuate from hotels. I started to recall folks online asking if they should cancel their plans to visit the city. While the answer seemed obvious, I had to remember that the city itself is so large that it is possible to remain out of harm’s way. But then I stopped to think about how the major tourist destinations were all closed. Not just out of respect for the devastation but because they are not exempt from the devastation. Even as I write this, the region remains under a Red Flag warning. Upon realizing that everyone was truly heeding the warnings, I turned my car around and headed back home.
It was a sad sight to see but I was glad that I was safe. Or so I thought.
That same morning that I woke up to the smell of smoke was the morning after an evening of intense worry about the possibility of having to evacuate because the flames from the Palisades fire briefly shifted northeast aka in my direction. And because the air quality was so bad that I might not be able to grin and bear it. Waking up to that smell of smoke made me even more frantic and kept me wondering if danger was imminent.
Now ordinarily I’m pretty even-keeled and not easily riled up even when others are riled up. Staying calm is one of my superpowers or so I’ve been told. Yet I didn’t feel powerful. I felt overwhelmed and incapable of conquering irrational thoughts. While I should perhaps give myself grace for being concerned about my safety while wildfires ravaged my city, I was frustrated that my ability to be rational was aggravated by the ridiculousness of our 24/7 news cycle, politics, greed, and social media.
It bothered me to have to sift through the filler content of the 24/7 coverage only to barely miss the five minutes of pertinent information. It bothered me to scroll through social media only to sort through conspiracy theories and sensational hot takes. I was bothered by elected and non-elected leaders purposely furthering discord with DISinformation. I was bothered that the incentive for decency continues to fade into darkness.
And I remain bothered yet undeterred.
Always moving forward with light and Harmonious Balance, my friends!
Johanna
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Glad you're safe 💙